I was doing a presentation at a client’s offices when a fierce thunderstorm broke out. It began to pour, the sky turned ash gray and the wind shook the building. Towards the end of my talk, the power went out in the conference room where we were gathered. The clients and I walked out to the reception area to see whether the power was out in the whole building. In the lobby I saw a heartbreaking site – there was a dog that was filthy, half starved and shaking with fright. She was very odd looking – she had shorty stubby legs, huge pointy ears and a long body like a corgi. Her coloring and the texture of her fur, however, resembled a Dalmatian. The receptionist, Rusty, explained with tears in her eyes that this dog had been running around in the parking lot for a few days. Some people had tried to catch her and take her to the pound, but the pup would not allow anyone to go near her. When the storm broke out, the receptionist was able to coax the dog to come inside.   Rusty explained through her tears, “I wish I could take her home but my husband said no.” Spellbound by the dog’s sweet, scared face, my heart spoke up before my logical brain could intervene, “I’ll take her home. Just for a few days until I can find her a good home or deliver her to a no-kill shelter.” Rusty was overjoyed. I decided to name the dog Britney after my favorite pop-star. I took Britney home, introduced her to my other pets, Scheyer and Nolan, and gave her a good bath. I noticed that her little paw pads were worn down, indicating that she had been out on the streets for a while.

The next day I dropped Britney off at the vet for a check-up and to get some shots, since I was sure given her current state that her previous owners did not bother with preventative medicine.   The vet called me while I was at work and delivered some tough news – Britney had several health conditions including heart worms, tapeworms and a severe urinary track infection.   Britney also had ten bb gun pellets in her, indicating severe abuse, although the vet said we could leave the pellets in as it would harm her more to remove them.   At this point I knew that she was not going to be an easy to give away. It’s hard enough to find a home for a healthy dog, let alone a dog that has several health problems. Britney also displayed behavior problems typical of an abused dog – she had a melt down whenever I would leave her alone and she growled at almost every man she saw. I decided I would nurse Britney back to health and then try to find a home for her.

Over the next few months I spent a lot of time hulling Britney back and forth to vet appointments and giving her a lot of TLC.   After Britney’s physical health was restored, I worked with an animal behavior therapist to alleviate Britney’s severe anxiety and fear of men. Within a few weeks, before she was anywhere near healthy or “fixed”, I knew Britney was not going anywhere – I had fallen in love with this sweet, brave girl.

I thought that Britney would need to be “perfect” before anyone would want her, but ironically I fell in love with her when she was in a less desirable state.   In fact the moment I laid eyes on her, she stole my heart. When this revelation dawned on me, I realized this dog had not arrived in my life by accident. I could hear God whisper, “If you feel this way about Britney, imagine how I feel about you.” While I’ve improved just in the past few years, most of my life I’ve believed that I needed to be perfect to be worthy of love and acceptance, even by God. In high school and college I aimed to get perfect grades, be a star runner and the perfect Christian. If I fell short by getting B on a test, failing to medal at the state championships or forgetting to do something kind for my friend who was going through a hard time, I would internally berate myself. There was no gray area – I had to be perfect or I was worthless.   It was not until years later that I realized that my striving to be perfect was causing me psychological and spiritual harm and alienating me from friends who found me unrelatable. Through my love for this imperfect dog, God reminded me of something I desperately needed to hear – I do not need to make myself perfect before He will love me.

Britney also changed my perspective on what I should look for in my relationships with others, including my future husband. I was in a relationship where I felt like I never measured up to my (ex)boyfriend’s standards (let’s call him Jim). I felt like I was on a never-ending escalator trying in vain to reach a level where I would be an acceptable girlfriend to Jim. Being a perfectionist (recovering) and overachiever, at first I did not see a problem with Jim’s treatment of me – in fact, I liked that he was pushing me to be better. But the target to hit the bull’s eye of what Jim wanted kept moving and I when I fell short of his impossible standards, he would become angry and all the good I had ever done would go out the window. If a husband is supposed to love his wife as Christ loves the Church (Ephesians 5:25), my husband will love me when I am the scared, wounded, hungry dog that’s just come in from the storm. I ended that relationship, realizing I deserved to be loved and accepted just as I am.

Britney still is not the perfect dog. In fact, in the future I’ll write about some of Britney’s great heists of gourmet desserts. But I love my perfectly imperfect Britney with all of my heart and I thank God for sending me this sending me this dog to help me better understand His love for me.